Kelowna: Five Points

1. No Punks.

No punk music heard from any window or car stereo, not a party vest in sight. No good bands, no good venues, no well run, cheap booze cans that go to 4am. The kids that are around spray paint DK symbols on electrical boxes and still keep their shirts together with safety pins and SEX PISTOLS patches. Some call these people Mall Punks. Sometimes they party in Winfield at one of the raddest punk houses in interior BC, and listen to the HIPPIE CRITZ. The property has two houses on it, and the venue is called the Old Skinning Shack. Look up MR. AWESOME, who is not only a great songwriter, but a rad dude to party with and a crucial figure in the Kelowna punk scene.

2. Drugs

Whenever there is a surge is blowcaine use in Vancouver, chances are its happening in Kelowna as well. Friends from high-school are either doing copious amounts, or selling copious amounts. And no one has a number but if they get to the house in time to catch their roommate, then his ex-girlfriend's brother has a number of this guy, who used to be big into the club scene and so might be able to find someone.

But you just end up drinking Old Milwaukee and dragging couch cushions to the floor so your best friend from 2003, and some dude who's in some well known local band, and you, can get all sloppy, and you can listen to them complain about wanting girlfriends.

3. Parents

You kind of miss them when you're a five hour drive away and then you take a six hour bus ride, and realize there is a reason for this distance. After a day or two of them asking when you are going to sign up for that copy-editing course you mentioned once, six months ago, you feel like no amount of chain smoking and alcoholism could ever cure the amount of stress that their presence can induce.

4. Parents feeding you awesome well-balanced meals.

Totally Rules.

Until you can't stop eating because you've malnourished yourself on a beer/cheese/starch diet, and then your dad comments on how you shouldn't keep eating because it's unhealthy.

But all you hear is,

Hey Fatty Maybe Instead Of Eating So Much You Should Concentrate On Thinking About College.


5. Parties

All the parties are awkward amalgamations of kids you knew in highschool who have turned into hippies. Or hippies who know your old friends from highschool that are high on ecstasy. Or people high on ecstasy who you don't know who are way older and kind of have this Creepy Uncle effect on the whole situation. Mostly theres just lots of ecstasy.